Snackland was buzzing. Confetti rained, music blasted, and the New Year’s Ball hovered above the city—huge, shiny, and suspiciously round.

Obesseus squinted up at it, licking chocolate off his fingers.

“Ball look… delicious,” he declared. “Is big silver jawbreaker?”

“No!” screamed Captain Calorie Counter, sliding in with a clipboard the size of a door. “That is not food. That is a SYMBOL.”

Obesseus gasped. “Symbol candy?”

Captain Calorie Counter adjusted his glasses, which immediately projected numbers everywhere.

“According to my calculations,” he said smugly, “that ‘symbol’ contains zero calories and therefore zero joy. No eating allowed tonight.”

The crowd booed. Someone threw a cupcake.

Undeterred, Obesseus cracked his knuckles. “If not candy… why shiny? Why dangling? Why teasing Obesseus mouth at midnight?”

The countdown began.

10…

Captain Calorie Counter slapped a giant sticker on Obesseus’ chest: PORTION CONTROL ZONE.

“Step away from the ball! One bite equals infinity calories!”

9…

Obesseus leaned closer. “Infinity calories sound… powerful.”

8…

Captain Calorie Counter frantically flipped his clipboard. “If you eat that, everyone will gain weight retroactively!”

7…

Obesseus paused. “Retro… active… calories?”

6…

Behind them, Grant the Grapefruit whispered, “I’m pretty sure that’s not real,” while being ten minutes late to everything as usual.

5…

Captain Calorie Counter lunged forward, brandishing a tape measure. “I will MEASURE your FUN!”

4…

Obesseus grabbed the ball’s rope. It squeaked.

He froze.

“…Candy make squeak?”

3…

Captain Calorie Counter screamed, “STOP! That’s not sugar—it’s METAL!”

2…

Obesseus sniffed it. Licked it.

“…Definitely not lollipop.”

1…

Midnight struck.

Fireworks exploded. Confetti cannons roared. And Obesseus shrugged.

“Okay,” he said. “If not candy… Obesseus eat rules instead.”

He chomped Captain Calorie Counter’s clipboard in one bite.

CRUNCH.

The calorie projections vanished. The tape measure snapped. Captain Calorie Counter gasped in horror.

“My data!” he cried. “My NUMBERS!”

Obesseus cheered as the crowd erupted.

“Happy New Year! Obesseus resolution is simple,” he announced proudly.

“Eat more. Stress less. And never trust shiny objects.”

Captain Calorie Counter slunk away, muttering, “Next year… I bring decimals.”

Above Snackland, the ball dropped peacefully—uneaten, uncounted, and absolutely judging no one.