The Snackland Garden Maze was beautiful.
Peaceful.
Full of nature.
Which meant Obesseus hated it immediately.
He stood at the entrance, staring at the towering green walls of hedges twisting into the sky like plant monsters.
“OBESSEUS NO LIKEY MAZE,” he muttered.
“GREEN THINGS HIDE IN THERE…”
Grant the Grapefruit gulped and straightened his tie.
“Allen Apple said we have to deliver this package to the center. You know… for team-building.”
Obesseus scratched his head.
“Why team need building? Obesseus BUILT DIFFERENT.”
They entered the maze.
Instant regret.
The hedges were too tall.
The paths were too narrow.
And the informational signs were written by Professor Math.
One read:
“Turn left unless the probability of turning right equals the percent of hedge height squared.”
Obesseus stared at it like it had insulted his mother.
“WHY MATH IN MAZE? THIS MAZE EVIL.”
Grant pulled out a tiny compass.
The compass sighed and stopped working immediately.
They hadn’t taken ten steps when something moved in the bushes.
Then several somethings.
Tiny garden gnomes peeked out, armed with miniature rakes and suspicious attitudes.
Contrary to rumors, these gnomes did not like being stared at.
“HALT!” shouted the lead gnome, whose hat was ironically bigger than he was.
Obesseus gasped.
“AHHH! TINY VEGETABLE PEOPLE!”
“We’re not vegetables!” the lead gnome barked.
Obesseus ignored this.
“OBESSEUS USE DIPLOMACY,” he declared confidently.
Grant whispered, “Please don’t let diplomacy mean what I think—”
Obesseus gave the gnomes cookies.
Lots of cookies.
Mountains of cookies.
A tribute fitting for tiny garden warriors.
The gnomes accepted.
Diplomacy successful.
For once.
As they reached the maze’s second ring, the ground trembled.
A deep voice echoed through the leaves:
“WHO ENTERS MY DOMAIN?”
Grant clung to Obesseus’ arm.
“Is that Espearagas…?”
“No,” Obesseus whispered.
“That voice… too leafy.”
The vines slithered out of the hedges like green snakes.
THE VEGGIE VINES OF DOOM.
Legend said they were harmless.
Legend was wrong.
One vine wrapped around Obesseus’ ankle.
Obesseus shrieked.
“AHHHH! GREEN NOODLES TRY TO EAT OBESSEUS!”
He countered using:
SLAM-FU: THE BUTTER-FIST STRIKE
(a powerful punch fueled entirely by the memory of melted butter)
The vines recoiled in fear.
Grant clapped politely.
“Very heroic! Terrifying, but heroic.”
At the maze’s center stood a gazebo made of twisting branches.
Sitting inside, sipping tea like a villain in a gardening commercial…
…was Sally Sweet Potato.
The Maze Master herself.
She grinned.
“Well, well, well. Snackland’s hungriest hero finally arrives.”
Obesseus pointed dramatically.
“YOU! THIS YOUR MAZE? YOUR GREEN TRAPS? YOUR CONFUSING MATH SIGNS?!”
Sally laughed.
“Oh, Obesseus. You can’t punch your way through everything.”
Obesseus tried to punch the air for emphasis.
He missed and hit a shrub.
The shrub fainted.
Sally handed him a riddle carved onto a leaf:
“To leave my maze,
One must answer true:
What is the one thing
That grows inside you?”
Obesseus blinked.
Grant blinked.
Even the fainted shrub somehow blinked.
Obesseus scratched his chin.
“Food?” he guessed.
“No,” Sally said.
“Slam-Fu power?”
“No.”
“Biscuits?”
“…No.”
Obesseus thought harder.
He grunted.
He strained.
His brain made a tiny sizzling noise.
Then, bright as gravy sunshine, he shouted:
“HAPPINESS!”
Sally paused.
“…Actually—yes. That’s the answer.”
Obesseus threw his hands up.
“OBESSEUS WIN MAZE!!”
The hedge walls shook, then unfolded like curtains, revealing the exit.
Grant wiped a tear from his eye.
“That was beautiful. Terrifying, but beautiful.”
Allen Apple greeted them at the exit.
“You delivered the package! Well done!”
Obesseus blinked.
“What package?”
Allen pointed to Obesseus’ hand.
He was holding the package.
He had been the whole time.
Obesseus shrugged.
“OBESSEUS MULTITASK!”
Allen nodded like he absolutely did not believe that.
The Garden Maze groaned in defeat.
Sally Sweet Potato muttered,
“I spent eight months designing that maze…”
Obesseus patted her shoulder.
“OBESSEUS LIKED YOUR MAZE. EVEN IF IT GREEN.”