Snackland woke up in horror.

Overnight, posters had appeared everywhere:

“THE DIET REGIME HAS ARRIVED.”

“NO MORE SNACKS.”

“NO MORE FUN.”

Standing proudly in front of the posters was the villainous trio:

• Captain Fitness
• Captain Calorie Counter
• Captain Portion Control

Together… they were THE DIET REGIME.

And they were ready to ban everything Obesseus loved.

Obesseus was enjoying his peaceful morning breakfast of:

• 12 pancakes
• 8 biscuits
• A bowl of gravy
• And syrup in a cup like hot chocolate

…when Captain Fitness kicked down his door.

“No more feasting, Obesseus!

You’re going on a DIET!”

Obesseus dropped his syrup.

His eye twitched.

“You say… OBESSEUS… GO ON WHAT?”

“A diet,” Fitness repeated smugly.

Obesseus inhaled dramatically.

Then screamed loud enough to shake the planet:

“NOOOOOOOOO DIETTTTTTTT!!!”

The trio marched into Snackland Square with megaphones.

“NO MORE BUTTER,” shouted Captain Calorie Counter.

“NO MORE THIRD HELPINGS,” yelled Portion Control.

“No more FUN,” Captain Fitness added.

The crowd gasped.

Grant the Grapefruit fainted.

Conflicted Tomato whispered, “I can’t survive a world without gravy…”

Then the ultimate crime happened:

Captain Fitness took Obesseus’ triple cheeseburger…

…and cut it in half.

Obesseus nearly passed out.

“YOU CUT OBESSEUS’ BURGER?! THAT AGAINST THE GENEVA SNACKLAND CONVENTION!”

Captain Fitness attempted to drag Obesseus to the treadmill.

“Fifteen minutes of cardio!”

Obesseus resisted like he was being dragged toward a volcano.

“NO! OBESSEUS ALLERGIC TO CARDIO!”

“That’s not—”

“CARDIO MAKE OBESSEUS BREAK OUT IN SWEATS AND SADNESS!”

He grabbed the treadmill to stop himself…

…ripped it off the floor…

…and accidentally threw it across the room like a frisbee.

It knocked Portion Control into a stack of kale brochures.

Obesseus gasped.

“OBESSEUS DO NOT MEAN TO FIGHT! But diet regime FORCE HIS HAND!”

Captain Fitness cracked his knuckles.

“Fine. If you want a battle… we’ll give you a battle.”

The Diet Regime activated their ultimate attack:

THE SALAD STORM.

A tornado of kale, spinach, celery sticks, and judgmental stares spun at Obesseus.

Obesseus shrieked.

“GET AWAY, GREEN MONSTERS!”

He countered with his greatest technique:

THE SLAM-FU GRAVY BLAST!

A wave of hot gravy exploded outward like a tidal wave.

Kale screamed.

Spinach wilted.

Captain Fitness was launched into a smoothie machine.

Grant surfed through the gravy like a pro.

“Woooo! Gravy surfing!”

Even the kale tornado surrendered.

Captain Fitness staggered out of the smoothie machine, dripping strawberry protein powder.

“Y-You… can’t beat us… Diet is destiny…”

Obesseus inhaled deeply.

Dangerously deeply.

Grant whispered, “Oh no… it’s happening…”

THE OBESSEUS VACUUM ACTIVATED.

Obesseus sucked up the entire Salad Storm, every kale pamphlet, and half the weight room.

Portion Control was nearly pulled in and had to cling to a pull-up bar for dear life.

When it was over, Obesseus burped a gentle gravy-scented burp of victory.

Captain Fitness limped forward.

“You win this round… but we’ll return.”

Obesseus crossed his arms.

“YOU COME BACK WITH DIET, OBESSEUS COME BACK WITH BISCUITS.”

Fitness groaned.

“Please don’t.”

Obesseus cheered.

Snackland cheered louder.

Conflicted Tomato fainted again but in relief this time.

Grant handed Obesseus a medal made from a donut.

“Hero of Snackland,” he said proudly.

Obesseus wiped a tear.

“OBESSEUS ALWAYS FIGHT FOR SNACKS. ALWAYS.”