Snackland Press experienced an educational emergency today.

Professor Math and Josh JollyRancher arrived carrying chalkboards, textbooks, and an alarming amount of confidence.

Their mission:

Teach Obesseus linear algebra.

Obesseus immediately suspected foul play.

“This look like homework ambush,” he said.

Josh JollyRancher ignored the warning and began writing on the board.

“Let’s start with a word problem.”

Professor Math nodded approvingly.

Josh continued.

“Grant the Grapefruit is always five minutes late.”

Everyone in the room nodded.

This was scientifically verified.

“If Grant arrives at three different places today,” Josh said, writing numbers on the board, “how late will he be in total?”

Professor Math wrote:

5 + 5 + 5 = ?

Obesseus raised his hand.

“Fifteen minutes,” he said confidently.

Professor Math smiled.

“Correct. Now we represent that using vectors.”

He drew three tall column vectors.

Obesseus leaned closer to the chalkboard.

He stared.

And stared.

Then he asked the question that stopped the lesson completely.

“Why numbers stacked like vertical candy canes?”

Josh JollyRancher blinked.

“Those are column vectors.”

“Candy vectors,” Obesseus corrected.

“They look like peppermint lineup.”

Professor Math sighed and continued.

“Vectors represent values in space.”

Obesseus nodded slowly.

Then he grabbed the chalk.

“Obesseus solve problem.”

Before anyone could react, he rewrote the equation.

5 dumplings + 5 dumplings + 5 dumplings = 15 dumplings

He circled the answer.

“Edible solution.”

Josh JollyRancher rubbed his temples.

“That is not linear algebra.”

“Yes it is,” Obesseus insisted.

“Numbers become dumplings. Dumplings go in stomach. Problem resolved.”

Professor Math tried again.

“Let’s talk about transformations.”

He rotated the vectors.

Obesseus leaned forward suspiciously.

“Why candy canes doing gymnastics?”

“They’re being transformed.”

Obesseus thought about this for a moment.

Then he drew a gravy bowl next to the matrix.

“If numbers transform,” he said, “they transform into lunch.”

At that exact moment, the door burst open.

Grant the Grapefruit stumbled inside.

“Sorry I’m late,” Grant said. “Traffic. And also I forgot where I was going.”

Professor Math pointed dramatically.

“Perfect! Grant is fifteen minutes late!”

Obesseus nodded thoughtfully.

Then he wrote a final equation on the board.

Grant lateness + Obesseus hunger = buffet

He circled the answer twice.

Lesson concluded.

Linear algebra remains unsolved.