Today was supposed to be peaceful in Snackland.

Key word: supposed.

Because Obesseus — hero, foodie, and part-time hallway menace — had been enrolled in Josh JollyRancher’s Intro to Fraction Fury.

Josh JollyRancher, the galaxy’s most enthusiastic math teacher, stood at the chalkboard holding a ruler made of rock candy.

“Welcome, students!” he announced. “Today we tackle FRACTIONS! Everybody LOVES fractions!”

Everyone nodded.

Except Obesseus.

Obesseus recoiled like someone had offered him a plate of steamed broccoli.

“MATH BAD. MATH MAKE OBESEUS BRAIN HURT.”

Grant the Grapefruit whispered, “Just try to survive. JollyRancher doesn’t let anyone leave until we do five fraction problems correctly.”

“OBESEUS DO ZERO,” Obesseus replied proudly.

Josh JollyRancher tapped the board.

1/2 + 1/3 = ?

Obesseus stared.

The numbers stared back.

A tumbleweed rolled through his brain.

Josh smiled. “Obesseus! Solve this one for the class!”

Obesseus panicked.

He raised his hand.

“Yes, Obesseus?” Josh asked.

Obesseus pointed at the chalkboard.

“Why numbers stacked like sandwich?”

Josh blinked. “That’s a fraction.”

“SANDWICH NUMBER CONFUSING.”

Grant whispered, “Just add them!”

Obesseus nodded confidently.

He walked up to the board.

He drew a giant cookie.

Then another giant cookie.

Then he smashed them together into a monstrous double cookie.

He turned proudly to the class.

Josh stared. “Obesseus… what is this?”

“OBESEUS ADD COOKIES. FRACTION SOLVED.”

“That… that’s not—” Josh stuttered.

Obesseus grabbed the eraser and erased half the board by accident, including Josh’s beautifully drawn examples.

Grant covered his face.

“I can’t watch this.”

Josh inhaled slowly.

“Okay… okay… let’s try a NEW problem.”

He wrote:

3/4 of a pie + 1/4 of a pie = ?

Obesseus’s eyes widened.

“PIE?!”

“It’s just a theoretical pie,” Josh said.

But Obesseus wasn’t listening.

He launched himself across the room, belly-first, crashing into the chalkboard. The entire wall shook. A piece of chalk flew like a comet and hit Grant in the forehead.

Obesseus stood triumphantly in front of a new drawing he’d made:

A pie missing three slices.

A pie missing one slice.

Both now combined into a massive whole pie with a smiley face.

“OBESEUS MAKE FULL PIE. MATH EASY!”

Josh JollyRancher took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Obesseus,” he said calmly, “you can’t solve every math problem with snacks.”

Obesseus gasped. “WHY NOT?!”

“Because math is about NUMBERS!”

Obesseus scoffed. “NUMBERS boring. Snacks delicious.”

Josh tried one more time.

He set a candy bar on the desk.

“If I have ONE candy bar—”

Obesseus ate it instantly.

Josh blinked twice.

Grant whispered, “He did warn you.”

Josh sighed. “Class dismissed. Obesseus… we’ll try again tomorrow. Maybe with… subtraction.”

Obesseus grinned.

“OBESEUS LOVE SUBTRACTION! OBESEUS SUBTRACT SNACKS FROM TABLE INTO BELLY!”

Josh dropped his chalk.

Grant face-palmed.

The classroom slowly tilted from the weight of Obesseus leaning on the chalkboard.

And thus ended today’s lesson in Fraction Fury.

Obesseus learned nothing.

But he DID eat seven theoretical pies, three imaginary cookies, one real candy bar, and half of Josh JollyRancher’s lesson plan.

A successful day in Snackland.