Every year, the No Fun Squad held its famous Employee Appreciation Lunch.

Unfortunately…

Nobody felt appreciated.

Allen Apple proudly stood behind a buffet that looked more like a museum exhibit.

“Welcome, employees!”

A single chicken nugget sat on one plate.

One lonely french fry rested on another.

Someone had cut a cookie into sixteen equal pieces.

Jeff Jelly smiled proudly.

“We’ve optimized lunch efficiency!”

Nobody clapped.

Angie Angelfoodcake stepped forward holding a clipboard.

“Portions will be determined by overtime hours worked.”

A groan swept through the room.

“If you worked five hours of overtime this month, you receive one scoop of mashed potatoes.”

A tiny scoop landed on a plate.

“If you worked ten hours, you receive two chicken tenders.”

Another employee cheered.

“If you worked twenty-five hours…”

The room became silent.

“…you may choose one dessert.”

Conflicted Tomato whispered, “They make us earn dessert?”

Grant the Grapefruit frowned.

“I thought appreciation was supposed to be… free.”

Allen smiled proudly.

“It is! You only had to sacrifice your evenings, weekends, holidays, and most of your sanity.”

Obesseus slowly raised his hand.

“What if me work zero overtime?”

Jeff grinned.

“You receive the Appreciation Salad.”

A single lettuce leaf landed on Obesseus’s plate.

Obesseus stared at it.

The lettuce stared back.

“…Lunch broken.”

“No,” Allen corrected. “It’s motivational.”

Obesseus walked toward the buffet.

“Me fix.”

Molly Mushroom jumped in front of him.

“Absolutely not! This lunch follows company policy.”

Obesseus pointed toward the buffet.

“It buffet.”

“It is a controlled buffet.”

“It buffet.”

“It is a reward-based buffet.”

“It still buffet.”

Obesseus scratched his head.

“If food already here…”

“…yes?”

“…why food hiding from people?”

Nobody had an answer.

Not even Molly.

Obesseus grabbed the giant serving spoon.

“Slam-Fu Buffet Style!”

WHOOSH!

Macaroni flew.

Mashed potatoes landed on every plate.

Chicken tenders rained from the serving trays.

Biscuits rolled across the floor like tiny buttery bowling balls.

Even the cookie pieces reunited into something resembling an actual cookie.

Employees stared at their full plates.

Grant smiled.

“I think this is what appreciation looks like.”

Allen Apple gasped.

“They’ve exceeded their allotted mashed potato quota!”

Jeff Jelly collapsed to his knees.

“My spreadsheets!”

Molly buried her face in her clipboard.

“I have absolutely no idea which policy covers this.”

Obesseus happily sat down with everyone else.

“Now employee appreciated.”

For the first time all afternoon, the cafeteria was full of laughter instead of complaints.

Even Molly accepted a biscuit.

She quickly looked around.

“I am taking this as evidence.”

Obesseus smiled.

“Evidence delicious.”

Some say the No Fun Squad canceled Employee Appreciation Lunch after that day.

Others say they still hold it every year.

They just keep Obesseus at least one buffet table away from the serving spoons.