Captain Fitness slammed his whistle against his clipboard.

“NEW YEAR TRAINING STARTS NOW.”

Obesseus froze mid-bite of a cheeseburger.

“Now?” Obesseus asked. “Clock not scream yet.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Captain Fitness said. “You said you’d try balance.”

Obesseus frowned. “Obesseus balanced. Burger in each hand.”

Still, Captain Fitness dragged him into the Snackland Training Gym—an unfriendly place full of ropes, weights, and absolutely no buffet.

From the sidelines, familiar faces gathered.

Jeff Jelly had a stopwatch.

Allen Apple was already writing notes.

Grant the Grapefruit arrived late, sliding through the door on a puddle of orange juice.

Councilman Blackberry Smalls stood in the back with his arms crossed.

Conflicted Tomato looked deeply uncomfortable with all of it.

“This feels like a trap,” Conflicted Tomato whispered.

“Jump rope,” Captain Fitness commanded.

Obesseus grabbed the rope, swung once—

—and immediately tangled Jeff Jelly, Allen Apple, two kettlebells, and Grant the Grapefruit.

“I’M LATE BECAUSE I’M A KNOT,” Grant yelled. “AGAIN.”

Jeff Jelly tried to assign overtime while upside down.

“Deadlifts,” Captain Fitness said. “Lift with control.”

Obesseus lifted the barbell.

The barbell bent.

The floor cracked.

A nearby smoothie machine exploded.

Councilman Blackberry Smalls squinted. “Who approved this gym?”

Allen Apple scribbled furiously. “This violates at least four policies.”

Captain Fitness smiled through the pain. “Good effort.”

“Wall balls,” Captain Fitness explained, tossing Obesseus a heavy medicine ball.

“Throw it at the wall.”

Obesseus nodded seriously.

Then he threw it through the wall.

Outside, confetti cannons accidentally went off.

“IS IT MIDNIGHT?” Grant shouted.

“No,” Conflicted Tomato replied. “It’s… 3:17 PM.”

Everyone groaned.

“Plank position,” Captain Fitness said, dropping into form.

Obesseus laid down directly on top of him.

“I AM PLANK,” Obesseus announced.

Captain Fitness wheezed. “That’s… not… how…”

Jeff Jelly attempted to file an incident report.

Obesseus ate it.

At this point, Captain Calorie Counter burst in screaming numbers no one understood.

Captain Portion Control fainted at the sight of Obesseus doing “jump squats” that caused minor earthquakes.

Professor Math peeked in, saw the chaos, and quietly erased the doorway from his equations.

Councilman Blackberry Smalls shook his head.

“This is why we have regulations.”

Captain Fitness collapsed against the wall.

“I thought starting early would help,” he said weakly.

Obesseus gently patted him.

“Training good,” Obesseus said kindly. “But Obesseus strongest at one thing.”

“What’s that?” Captain Fitness asked.

Obesseus stood, lifted a dumbbell like a trophy, and smiled.

“Eating… until New Year actually arrives.”

Grant the Grapefruit raised a hand. “So… buffet?”

Obesseus beamed. “YES. PRE-WORKOUT.”

Snackland sighed as one.

Because if today was just the warm-up…

no one wanted to see what Obesseus would do at midnight.