The fluorescent lights of Snackland Press buzzed like angry bees trapped in a microwave.

Stacks of OVERTIME forms towered across Jeff Jelly’s office like unstable lasagna layers. His tie was crooked. His eyeballs twitched every time another printer spit out paperwork.

“MORE FORMS!” Jeff screamed.

A nearby intern fainted directly into a beanbag chair.

Allen Apple peeked through the doorway holding six clipboards and a stress ball shaped like a raisin.

“Jeff… Molly Mushroom still hasn’t answered your emails.”

Jeff slowly turned.

“That’s because Molly Mushroom fears RESPONSIBILITY.”

Allen blinked.

 “She’s HR.”

“EXACTLY.”

Jeff slammed a giant red button labeled:

MANDATORY OVERTIME PROTOCOL

Sirens blared throughout Snackland Press.

A robotic voice echoed through the building.

“ATTENTION EMPLOYEES. FUN HAS BEEN TEMPORARILY SUSPENDED.”

Across town, Molly Mushroom sat peacefully at a tiny café sipping mushroom soup while her phone vibrated itself across the table like a haunted hockey puck.

JEFF JELLY CALLING

 Decline.

Five seconds later:

JEFF JELLY CALLING AGAIN

 Decline.

Five seconds later:

JEFF JELLY VIDEO CALLING

Molly sighed.

“Absolutely not.”

Decline.

Then came the voicemail notifications.

“Molly, this is Jeff. We need overtime volunteers.”

“Molly, this is Jeff again. Nobody volunteered.”

“Molly, this is Jeff again again. Allen cried.”

“Molly… where are you?”

She muted her phone and took another sip.

Peace.

Beautiful peace.

Then her hiring app dinged.

Molly frowned.

“Oh right. I forgot I left auto-hiring on.”

The screen displayed:

NEW MANAGEMENT APPLICANT APPROVED

Name: Obesseus

 Experience: “BUFFET”

 References: “GRAVY”

 Special Skills: “SLAM-FU”

 Desired Salary: “CHEESEBURGER”

Molly stared at the screen for a full ten seconds.

“…That can’t be right.”

Meanwhile, back at Snackland Press, the front doors exploded open.

Smoke rolled across the lobby.

Obesseus entered wearing a tiny necktie stretched to its absolute physical limit.

Behind him marched Grant the Grapefruit carrying a milkshake.

“Obesseus here for MANAGEMENT!”

The receptionist gasped.

“Who approved this?!”

Obesseus proudly held up the printed email.

It read:

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE NOW MANAGEMENT.

Signed,

 Molly Mushroom

 HR Department

Grant nearly dropped his milkshake laughing.

“Oh no.”

Obesseus slammed both fists onto the receptionist desk.

“FIRST MANAGEMENT ORDER!”

Everyone froze.

Obesseus pointed dramatically toward the break room.

“REMOVE SALAD.”

Jeff Jelly burst out of his office like a panicked jellybean tornado.

“WHO ARE YOU?!”

Obesseus adjusted his tiny tie.

“OBESSEUS MANAGEMENT.”

Jeff snatched the paper.

His face turned pale.

Then red.

Then somehow purple.

“MOLLY MUSHROOM HIRED YOU?!”

“YES.”

“FOR MANAGEMENT?!”

“YES.”

“WHY?!”

Obesseus shrugged.

“MUSHROOM CLICK BUTTON.”

Allen Apple slowly backed away whispering:

“We’re doomed.”

Jeff immediately grabbed the office phone and called Molly again.

Straight to voicemail.

Jeff growled through clenched teeth.

“Molly Mushroom… answer… your… PHONE.”

Meanwhile, Obesseus had already entered the conference room and replaced the quarterly budget presentation with a gravy fountain.

Employees gathered around cheering.

Someone started throwing biscuits.

Grant the Grapefruit leaned against the doorway sipping his milkshake.

“You know… technically morale has improved.”

Jeff’s eye twitched hard enough to nearly reboot reality.

Then Obesseus stood atop the conference table.

“MANAGEMENT MEETING!”

Everyone went silent.

Obesseus pointed at the giant overtime board.

“NO OVERTIME.”

The employees gasped.

Jeff nearly collapsed.

Obesseus then pointed toward the cafeteria.

“ONLY BUFFETTIME.” 🍔🔥

The entire office erupted into applause.

Somewhere across town, Molly Mushroom finally checked her phone again.

She saw 47 missed calls from Jeff Jelly.

Then she saw the notification:

“EMPLOYEE PRODUCTIVITY HAS INCREASED 900%”

Molly blinked.

“…How did he accidentally fix the office?”