If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if the strictest HR manager in Snackland tried to discipline the hungriest hero in Snackland… today’s story has the answer.

Spoiler alert: It does not go according to plan.

Molly Mushroom marched into the Snackland breakroom carrying a stack of paperwork so tall it had its own weather pattern.

“Obesseus!” she shouted.

Obesseus looked up from a mountain of macaroni.

“Hi, mushroom lady! You bring snacks?”

“I brought disciplinary action.”

“…Is disciplinary action covered in cheese?”

“No!”

Obesseus sighed.

“No thank you.”

Molly slammed a folder onto the table.

“These are your violations.”

Obesseus blinked.

“I violate buffet?”

“No! Company policy!”

She flipped open the first page.

“Violation number one. You took a two-hour lunch.”

“I was hungry.”

“Violation number two. You used Slam-Fu inside the office.”

“There was aggressive broccoli.”

“It was a plant!”

“It look suspicious.”

“Violation number three. You filled the suggestion box with barbecue recipes.”

“They were good recipes.”

“They were seventeen copies of the same recipe!”

“It really good recipe.”

Molly’s eye twitched.

“Violation number four. You replaced the employee handbook with a cookbook.”

“People read cookbook.”

“…That’s actually true.”

She shook her head.

“Focus, Molly!”

She grabbed a pen.

“I’m writing you up.”

Obesseus smiled.

“You write book too?”

“This isn’t a book!”

“You sure? It have chapters.”

“It has sections!”

“It have title.”

“It needs a title!”

“It have page numbers.”

Molly stared at the paperwork.

“…I hate that you’re making sense.”

Obesseus leaned over.

“What title?”

Molly sighed dramatically.

“‘Employee Misconduct Report.’”

Obesseus nodded.

“Boring title.”

“It doesn’t need to be exciting!”

“Need dragon.”

“There are no dragons!”

“Need gravy explosion.”

“No!”

“Need Jeff Jelly getting yelled at.”

“…That part is tempting.”

Just then Jeff Jelly walked through the door carrying another stack of overtime forms.

“Great news, everyone!”

Nobody looked excited.

“I’ve scheduled mandatory Saturday overtime!”

A dramatic record scratch echoed through Snackland.

Obesseus slowly stood.

Grant the Grapefruit peeked around the corner.

“…Should I get the popcorn?”

“Yes,” whispered Zach the Zucchini.

Molly pointed her pen at Obesseus.

“Don’t you dare!”

Too late.

SLAM-FU!

The shockwave launched every overtime form into the air like confetti.

Allen Apple screamed.

Angie Angelfoodcake dove under a desk.

Jeff Jelly chased paperwork across the room yelling,

“Those were alphabetized!”

One form landed directly on Molly’s clipboard.

She looked down.

Every single write-up she’d spent the last hour preparing had vanished beneath a rainstorm of overtime requests.

She slowly lowered her pen.

“…I’m going to lunch.”

Obesseus grinned.

“Two hours?”

Molly thought about it.

“…Three.”

Obesseus proudly raised a spoon.

“See? Balance.”

Snackland wasn’t sure whether Obesseus had won the argument or simply confused everyone into giving up.

Either way…

No write-up was ever completed.