At exactly 11:59 PM, Jeff Jelly stood on a folding chair in Snackland Press holding a clipboard so powerful it vibrated.

“Before the ball drops,” Jeff announced, adjusting his tie, “I’d like to share my New Year’s resolution.”

Everyone froze.

Obesseus stopped chewing mid-snack.

Allen Apple slowly backed toward the gravy table.

King Billy Blueberry squinted. He had seen this look before.

Jeff Jelly cleared his throat.

“This year,” he said proudly,

“I resolve to… give more overtime.”

The room exploded.

“NOOOOO!” yelled Allen Apple, dropping three schedules at once.

“Overtime is not a gift, Jeff!” shouted King Billy Blueberry.

Captain Fitness immediately started doing push-ups out of pure stress.

Jeff flipped his clipboard dramatically.

“Starting at midnight,” he continued, “everyone gets voluntary mandatory overtime.”

The ball dropped.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 🎊 

Jeff started assigning shifts at record speed.

“Allen Apple—double overtime.”

“King Billy Blueberry—symbolic overtime.”

“Captain Fitness—motivational overtime.”

Then Jeff turned slowly toward Obesseus.

Obesseus smiled.

“You give Obesseus overtime?” he asked cheerfully.

Jeff nodded. “Triple.”

Obesseus cracked his knuckles.

“Okay,” Obesseus said. “Then Obesseus resolution too.”

Jeff leaned in. “Oh?”

“Yes,” Obesseus replied.

“Eat clipboard.”

And just like that, Jeff Jelly’s New Year’s resolution lasted six seconds—

which was a new Snackland record.