Grant the Grapefruit arrived late.

Again.

He slid into the meeting room riding a rolling chair, sunglasses on, juice sloshing slightly inside him.

“Sorry,” Grant said cheerfully. “Traffic. Also I forgot. Also I didn’t want to come.”

Jeff Jelly and Allen Apple looked up at the exact same time.

Jeff adjusted his tie.

Allen adjusted his clipboard.

“This is your third late arrival this week,” Allen said.

Grant leaned back. “That feels like an estimate.”

Jeff sighed. “Grant, we’re just trying to enforce the point system fairly.”

Grant squinted.

“Point system?”

Allen flipped the board around.

POINTS ACCRUED:

– Late to meetings

– Avoiding overtime

– Surfing indoors (pending review)

Grant nodded slowly. “Okay but hear me out.”

Jeff rubbed his temples. “Please don’t say what I think you’re going to say.”

Grant stood.

“I am a grapefruit.”

Silence.

Allen blinked. “That’s… not a defense.”

Grant slammed his hand on the table.

“I ROLL. I JUICE. I VIBE. I DO NOT CLOCK IN.”

Jeff muttered, “Every time…”

Grant pointed at Jeff. “You’re jelly.”

“Yes,” Jeff said tiredly.

“You wobble,” Grant continued.

“Yes,” Jeff said again.

Grant turned to Allen. “You’re an apple.”

Allen nodded cautiously.

“Crunchy,” Grant said. “Organized. Clipboard energy.”

Allen frowned. “That’s… uncomfortably accurate.”

Grant spread his arms wide.

“And YOU think you can assign ME points?”

Allen raised the clipboard. “Grant, please don’t escalate—”

Too late.

Grant hopped onto the table and began rolling in place, gaining momentum.

“I AM UNTRACKABLE,” he shouted.

The room shook as Grant launched himself off the table, bouncing off the walls like a citrus pinball.

Jeff dove behind a chair.

Allen shouted, “THIS IS WHY WE HAVE POLICIES!”

Grant ricocheted past the point board.

It short-circuited.

POINT SYSTEM: ERROR

Grant landed upright, totally fine.

Jeff stood slowly. “Grant… please… just sit.”

Grant adjusted his sunglasses.

“No.”

Obesseus peeked in.

“WHY FRUIT FIGHT?”

Grant pointed. “THEY TRY CONTROL ME.”

Obesseus nodded. “CONTROL BAD.”

Jeff slumped. “We just wanted accountability.”

Grant leaned in.

“ACCOUNTABILITY IS A MEETING THAT COULD HAVE BEEN AN EMAIL.”

Allen dropped the clipboard.

“I’m transferring departments,” he whispered.

Grant hopped back onto his chair.

“Meeting over,” Grant said. “Put me down as ‘spiritually present.’”

He rolled out.

Silence.

Jeff Jelly looked at Allen.

“…Do we give him a point?”

Allen stared into the distance.

“No,” he said quietly. “We retire the system.”

The board updated itself:

POINT SYSTEM: SUSPENDED

REASON: GRAPEFRUIT

Jeff sighed.